Goodbye Stranger
by phoenixnz
Summary: Episode-related. Dean's thoughts as he drives away at the end of the episode. Dialogue is para-phrased. NB: I have posted this elsewhere but revised it a little for posting here.


Dean kept his eyes on the road as they drove away, wishing there was something he could have done to stop Meg being killed. Still, he knew Meg would have just laughed in his face and told him to piss off. This was her choice – her redemption, he supposed. She'd probably known she was dead the moment Crowley showed his face.

The thing about Meg was, yes, she was a demon, but since they had been reluctantly working together, she was the only one who had always been honest with him. She'd told it to him straight. Unlike Cas, who had clearly been lying to him about a lot of things.

When had things got so turned around that a demon was the only one whose word he could trust and he had stopped trusting the one person/being who had been his friend? His ... well, he guessed he could have called Cas family.

After Cas had gone all power-mad and taken all the monsters of Purgatory inside him. That was probably when. Or maybe it was before that, when he'd become embroiled in a war between angels and demons, leaving humans smack bang in the middle of it. Dean had wanted no part of their Holy war. There'd been too many wars over the centuries fought over religion. Although was it really about religion between angels and demons? It gave him a headache just thinking about it.

The point was, Cas had lied to him, refused to tell him the truth about how he'd got out of Purgatory. Dean understood now, since it seemed that Cas was being brainwashed by someone called Naomi. He'd been almost completely sucked in to the point where he'd almost killed Dean. And wasn't that a mind-fuck and a half, Dean thought.

It hurt that the angel who had saved him from forty years of literal Hell could turn on him so completely. God, the world was just so screwed up right now.

Then there was Sam. Who, for all his claims that he could do these trials which would help them close the gates of Hell forever, was clearly not okay. The trials were killing him.

Sam frowned at him asking him what had happened when Castiel had touched the tablet. Had his brain been reset or something, Sam wondered aloud.

Dean shrugged at his brother, telling him he didn't know and didn't really care. All he knew was that Cas was gone, and not even God knew where. He wondered quietly to himself if Cas was even sane anymore.

He sighed softly, not wanting his brother to know how much it had hurt, knowing Sam had lied to him once again. It had just started feeling like they were getting back on track, especially after what had happened with Amelia, and now ...

He spoke quietly, telling his little brother he couldn't take any more lies. From anyone. His words had a deeper meaning. I can't take more lies from you.

Sam looked at him for a long moment, and had the grace to look a little ashamed. Dean turned back to look out into the darkness and the rain as Sam cleared his throat, then apologised. He knew he should have told Dean the truth, especially about the first trial, but he'd wanted to believe it was all okay. Hoping.

Did Sam really think that, or was it something he thought his brother wanted to hear? Sam could be stoic when he wanted to, even though most of the time he was a crybaby. Except when they were on the job. For a big guy, Sam could be soft when he needed to, like he could draw on the right sort of emotions, but on the job he was as tough as they came. And he could lie with the best of them, especially to Dean.

Still, Dean had had enough. A year in Purgatory and he'd come back to find Sam hadn't even looked for him; for a way to get him out. He'd got on with his life. Sure, Sam deserved to have that life, and all things considered, Dean had also tried to have a life. With Lisa. But Destiny just kept coming on a-knocking on their door, so what was he supposed to do? Ignore it? You can't fight Fate, he sighed.

The problem was, Castiel had told him that the trial had given Sam wounds even an angel couldn't heal. That scared Dean more than anything. Castiel had been the one to heal Sam's mind last year, taking on his madness when it looked like Lucifer was slowly driving Sam into insanity. Dean had always thought that had been the most difficult task for an angel, yet Cas had been even more worried about his brother. Dean couldn't handle it if his brother couldn't be honest with him from here on in.

He wished Sam had never taken on that first trial. He wished he'd never heard of the tablet and those trials.

Those stupid trials. Why was everything a trial? Hadn't they been through enough after God knew how many apocalypses? Apocalypsi? Whatever! He was sure there was some kind of screwed-up term for it. Damned if he could think of it.

Sam just nodded, agreeing.

Yeah, why did Dean not believe him? Still, he had to try to get something back. Their lives were screwed up enough and they'd already lost so much. He couldn't stand it if he lost his brother too.

He told him that he might not be able to carry the burden that came along with the trials, but he could still carry him.

Sam smirked, pointing out that he'd just quoted from Lord of the Rings.

Was that Sam's way of calling him a geek? Dean half-scowled at his brother.

"Come on, man. But it's the Rudy Hobbit, all right? Rudy Hobbit always gets a pass." Sam chuckled. Yeah, you're a geek, his expression said. "Shut up!" Dean scowled.

He reached over to the radio and flicked it on. Instead of the usual hard rock, a song from Supertramp was playing.

It seemed appropriate that it was Goodbye Stranger, turning his thoughts once again back to demon Meg. She might not have been their best friend, hell she wasn't really their friend either, but she was at least free. And maybe in her one final act of defiance against Crowley, she had found her own redemption.

_I'll never look behind me  
My troubles will be few_

Goodbye Stranger, it's been nice  
Hope you found your paradise  
  
It seemed weird, but he was grateful to Meg. She'd never lied to him. Not really. She had never pretended to be anything else. Okay, so she'd borrowed the name of the girl she'd originally inhabited when she'd come after them and their father, but it was easier to think of her as Meg Masters than some demon who had lived hundreds of years ago, then sold her soul.

Dean listened to the lyrics as the song played. It was time he and Sam said goodbye to the stranger inside of each of them and found themselves.


End file.
